Miraculous Motherhood Journey

Category: Loving Mom

I sometimes wonder whether my journey to motherhood was satisfactory or something was amiss. I am still asking myself this question. The journey began after 8 years of marriage and running through a long lists of doctors. I don't remember how many pregnancy test I took all those years and everytime it came negative my heart just bleeded. I questioned why me? I never had any issues during my peer age.... I was healthy. But then came hormonal issues, thyroid, pcod. But many women conceived even with this issues then why not me. I took so many treatments, surgeries but still I was unable to achieve motherhood. Started getting depressed, end number of fights with my husband who always supported me and helped by saying that vlwe both are complete with other and it's okay if we don't have a baby. But somewhere I felt that something is missing out in me. I wanted to be a mother. Wanted to experience each and every moment of it. Don't wanted to give up. Maybe this feeling of wanting to have a baby helped me to achieve my dream. We decided to go for IVF. I left my high paid job. Started researching on good doctor. Then one fine day one of my ex colleague, my friend suggested me a doctor under whom she got treated and delivered twins through IVF. I started gaining confidence and told myself let's give a chance. It was June 2017, my birth month. I told myself by my next birthday I will have my baby in my arms. I met the doctor, started with my treatment. Followed religiously all medications and injections I was subjected to. It was not easy. It was taking troll emotionally and physically. Travelling daily to hospital all alone, number of scans, end number of injections I was subjected to for matured eggs. By August egg retrieval was done, embryos were developed and transfer date was to be finalized. But then suddenly from being so positive all throughout I became nervous. Questions came into my mind what if it fails, what if embryos don't get implanted. All the money that I have spent after fighting with my husband apart from all the pains I have taken will go for a toss. I became numb and my doctor saw that on my face. She told me no worries take time, we will freeze all the embryos and when you are ready we will transfer. I took a month break. Gathered all my courage and told myself, no I can't give up. I started relaxing, and gave my body to recover. Then decided October we will go for transfer. Again started with my progesterone injections on daily basis. Everything went smoothly and got transferred two embryos on scheduled date. Took complete rest and told myself daily that I will soon conceive and it really worked. Just before Diwali my blood test showed positive for pregnancy. I was overwhelming but at the same time I don't wanted to overdo it. I had to take proper care as I was in my 39 age. After few days went for my first scan and when doctor said I can't see any sac, I was shattered completely. But she then told me we will go for second opinion through a radiologist. Waiting outside scan room for my turn end number of questions kept haunting me. I went inside and my husband waited outside. He was also blacked-out completely. Radiologist examined properly and said she can see a gestational sac inside the uterus. Nothing to worry and all is fine. There came a sigh of relief and told my husband the news. He was happy. Doctor told me to take lot of care. Told both our parents the news they were waiting for. Three months passed by without any problem. Then one fine day when I was all alone, after having my breakfast went to use the washroom, noticed light bleeding. I was scared, thoughts of all negative came into my mind. Informed my doctor and she told me to do immediate scan for heartbeat. I rushed to nearby hospital and after made to wait for an hour and fighting with them they took me inside. I was worried for my baby. When I saw the heartbeat on the screen, I calmed down. Everything was fine. I came home and promised myself that I will protect my baby no matter what. I started eating healthy, stayed calm. My husband was happy and took utmost care of me. My friends, relatives all guided me. Looking at my growing belly in mirror made me overjoyed. A feeling of life growing within me made me realise that a woman is so lucky. My family started planning for my baby shower in the 7th month. Preparations were going on. Husband finalized watsapp invite design. Everything was going on smoothly. But then one fine day when I just completed my sixth month on 8th March 2018 I again noticed a heavy bleeding. Went to hospital immediately and when doctor examined she saw my cervix mouth was open and membranes were down. It was like someone broke a hammer on my head. Scanning was done to check baby's growth and it was fine. I was admitted and kept on head low position. Couldn't move a inch from the bed. Antibiotics started to prevent infection and to stop bleeding. Doctor said that if required we might go for stitches and if it don't support then I will have to be on bed rest for next 40 days in hospital. I was worried for my baby safety. In next three days bleeding stopped completely and I was calmed down. But destiny had some other plans for me. The day I was to be given stitches that Is 12th March I started having contractions from morning 3am. It went down till 10am. Was given heavy medication to stop the contractions. It was becoming less. Suddenly then by 12 noon I again started getting heavy contractions and I started puking. With that my water broke and I was completely exhausted. Doctors rushed, NICU team was ready to pick up my baby. I was asked to push down the baby but he was not ready to come yet. When scanned he was completely in breech position. It was entirely on me to save my baby. I gathered all my strength and pushed down the baby in head down position. Immediately he was rushed down to NICU and I was given anaesthesia. Gained my consciousness by evening when brought to my room. All that mattered to me was my baby and his safety. He was just 24 weeks 4 days preterm baby. NICU doctor asked me to visit my baby. When I and my husband went in there a tiny little baby with all wires around him was lying in that incubator box. I felt so sorry, he was going through the pain for no fault of him. I asked God why me. Why all pains under my wings. The baby who was kicking me non stop few days back in my tummy is lying in that box for all support system. His lungs were not matured enough, his other organs were still developing. But I couldn't cry over. I had to be strong and stay positive for the sake of my baby. I just had to give him positive vibes. I got discharged but still I travel daily to hospital in the morning and come back in the evening. It's almost 6 weeks now and many more to go till I take him back home. I and my husband are waiting eagerly to take our baby home whom we named Kiaan ( grace of God). Till then it's a daily fight for us. Now he is 30 weeks and doing good. He is a blessing to me from the almighty and I love to see him daily outside the box still waiting to hold him in my arms. This is my journey still miles to go

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  • Heart touching... Only women’s can struggle in this situation... aapne jitna bad time face kiya hai usse jyada good time aapka wait kar raha hai...

    Sachin Barate